Hi KiraBoyd
In the earlier years as a hospice volunteer I used to gravitate towards the family members who seemed to be the most upset.
When I read your words below, it got me thinking about how I subtly made a change in my approach to being a compassionate listener.
“you have to be strong.” and
“it's kinda hard to bear them with my problems.”
What I began to realize was that we were sometimes missing people who really needed us by their side. Who?
It often is the “Strong One” who needs the most loving care and kindness. Why?
First of all, one of the characteristics of strong people is that they constantly put the needs of others ahead of their own. They don’t want to make other people more upset. It’s an act of love from a very loving, loveable person.
Ironically the situation is made tougher for the strong person, because – in her strength – others think that she is “OK/ handling things well/doesn’t need to talk/etc.” So the person moves on to someone else who appears to need more help.
So, now I look for the strong ones, engage them in conversation, draw them out and listen to their story – just in case they need someone to listen, someone to unburden themselves to.
Un-addressed stress can become overwhelming if there is no opportunity for release. Talking to a sympathetic person can be an effective release.
I would suggest, KiraBoyd, that if this is the situation that you find yourself in, that you find someone – locally or even here at virtualhospice that you can listen to your story and offer you support and comfort.
Sending you thoughts of Peace
-eKim