I lost my husband almost a year ago now but it still feels like yesterday.
This whole year has been a complete mess. Chaos on the job front, homelessness, and my own diagnosis with a terminal illness. I just don't know why I even bother anymore. Except, for some reason, every day, I do. I wake up fresh, ready to be positive only to be let down before the day is done.
After my husband's death, I had to move in with family. I was supposed to have space to heal. Instead I found that my hoarding mother who had been "making room for me" had barely cleared enough space for my mattress. Next thing I know my brother is knocking on the door, threatening to harm himself because his girlfriend ended things when he sold his car to pay off his drug dealer. In he moves. I lasted a few months and took off to stay with a friend in small town middle of nowhere... it was great, until she stole from me. She was my best friend. I took off again and stayed with my father for a few months. Things were OK until he decided I should take care of him (because I was so good at taking care of my husband for all those years right???!!) and it triggered my PTSD from when my Bear died. Back to emotionally unavailable mom, who is militantly ignoring me right to my face.
I could just punch someone, but that's not the kind of person I am. My teeth are clenched so tightly that I broke one of my rear molars. My head feels like it's going to explode from crying.
Please God, let me make it through the weekend when I can move into my own place.
Thank you for listening to my rant. I appreciate you all.
Rabbit