Hi Mark99,
My thoughts are with you as you mourn your wife.
I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago. I helped mom realize her last wish, which was to die at home. We were able to get lots of palliative support from the healthcare system here. I agree with Cath1 who so eloquently, said the death of a loved is softened by the wonderful care by palliative care staff.
With regard to discussing palliation earlier in her diagnosis… I’m not sure, if I would have been open to learning about it at the time.
We did not realize how bad her prognosis was and the doctors told us they would treat with chemo to try to fight the disease. I did not know to ask about the staging of her disease but I now know that her case was palliative from the start. At the time, we were focused staying positive and fighting the disease, wanting her to beat it.
Like Donna, my mom’s progression from active treatment to palliative care was fairly swift. Her case worker nurse, realized very quickly that we were going to need palliative support so she gave us a pretty thorough briefing. Prior to this briefing, I thought this nurse was abrasive and unfeeling based our past interactions. It was not until she had the palliative talk with my sister and I that she shared her own story. She had lost her husband in his early 40’s to cancer. Something she said to us that day about her experience resonated with us. She said if her husband wasn’t going to be able to live, she had to give him the best possible death through palliative care services. So, giving my mom the “best possible death” was our new mission.
Yes, that briefing was a touch overwhelming but if that nurse had tried to give it to me one or two months before, I think I would have told her off. At that time, I was in denial that my mom was “that” sick.