Frenzy: Grief is a unique idosyncratic fingerprint for everyone. We all grieve differently. There is no one way to grieve. That is my first thought to share from my experience with Donna’s death. As a counselor said to me following her death I began to grieve when she was diagnosed. Yet it wasn’t until the day she died that a friend gave me a key bit of advice, do not deny or hide from the pain, the loss, nor the hurt. Face it head on for that way you can move through it and not suffer from it. Here is a piece I wrote last year or so
Following her death my choice was to be an active participant in my grieving and mourning. I promised myself I would not shy away from emotions or feelings. I charged into this knowing full well it was with her, for her, for me, and for us. There will be no end to this, no closure because I choose to live with my emotions and the reality of grieving. A good friend sent me this which captures a view:
"Freud (I was told) used the word CATHEXIS to talk about attachment. My supervisor talked about the process of grief being the work of "DECATHEXIS" and that is the tying off the threads (the warp & the woof) of the tapestry of the relationship. All the threads that make up that tapestry have to be tied off, the tapestry completed. The tapestry remains and is preserved through that tying off of the threads that formed the relationship. And it's hard, time-consuming work."
I feel closure is indifference. My memories at what I choose to embrace and carry with me to grow from. I have named my grief my changing avatar. Here are some links to my thoughts on death, mourning, grief, etc. I hope they help.
Be well, we are all here with you because we all share the path that brought you here.