Hello JustineS

I too lost my Mom years ago and I have to tell you that my grief continues, however in a different form. After Parkes and Bowlby’s Four Phases of Mourning: Shock and Numbness, Yearning and Searching, Disorganization and Despair, and  Reorganization and Recovery, I have found myself in a place of acceptance in which my memories of my Mom take on a different form. 

Whereas previously my memories brought only tears, now memories bring a smile to my face.  I think of Mom tapping me on the shoulder saying, “Hey, you haven’t thought of me in a while.  Remember the time…….”

JustineS, do you find yourself in a certain stage of grief, or like a lot of people, your mind and emotions are all over the place?

- ekim

Hi Justine

I noticed that you said:

 BUT knowing how difficult going through that was has really made me want to put off any grief work in this situation; it's just so emotionally trying if that makes any sense.

I know that avoidance/distraction isn't the answer to healing but that's the headspace I'm in right now.

 That is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction, Justine.  I can’t imagine how tough this must be on you.  If “where you are” is working for you then you might be doing what you need to do right now.  If that stops working for you, then you might look at options.

A friend of mine was feeling “stuck” in his grief journey when his brother died and his wife was worried that he might fall into a situation of “complicated/unresolved” grief.  She got him to see a trained grief counsellor and it helped.  He found a way to continue on his path of healing.

-eKim

Hi Justine

I Hope that you continue to move gently along your path.

Speaking of Hope, whenever a feeling of hopelessness threatens to overwhelm, it might be that we are called to redefine hope

Not so much “long term hope”, which can seem so far away, but “short term Hope”.  Hope that can help us here and now.

These words came to me as I was pondering the nature of Hope.  I Hope they bring comfort to you.

Hope is not lost forever if Hope is re-defined

What can Hope for your future be?

Hope that your next breath comes without a shudder of sadness.

Hope that the next hour will be easier than the last one.

Hope that tomorrow your spirits will rise as the sun rises.

Hope that the next day will bring a wee respite of happiness.

Hope that the next month will see you engage more fully with the world.

Hope that the next year will see you in a new role of re-defined Hopes and dreams.

Hope for a new future even as it unfolds without the familiar presence of your loved one.

Hope to feel their loving presence with you, always.

-eKim.