Dear CaddyB I am sad for you having to endure this loss. Is it even more difficult for you because it was so sudden and unexpected?
When you said, “we loved each other dearly and still spoke to each other on a regular basis.” You revealed a very sweet part of your personality.
There is a belief that not too many people hold – and that is…. “There is no such thing as UN-LOVE.”
In other words, if you loved someone once you will in some way always love them. And that is true, even if you cannot be a couple. Is that the way you feel, CaddyB.?
Your extraordinary ability to love is obvious in your struggles with your grief. The fact that you cry often is the normal response in the immediate stages of grief – like a pressure relief valve on a closed vessel.
Actually, for most people, crying is an important part of allowing their emotions to be expressed – which is healthy. The opposite of that would be keeping your emotions “bottled-in”. Doing so can cause the pressure to build up dangerously.
After the initial grief process (the timeframe is different for everyone), it is good to transition from the inward expression of emotions to the outward expression of emotions.
That is accomplished by reaching out for help and support from others: family, friends, individual and/or group grief sessions, etc. Have you done this? Then comes the Journey of Healing.
By reaching out for support here to Virtual Hospice, you are making a step in your mourning process.
Sometimes (actually it happens quite often) family and friends don’t quite “fit the bill” as far as our needs are concerned.
This is where a “perfect stranger”, like the people here on Virtual Hospice can play a role.
Most, if not all of us have suffered a loss of a loved one. Some of us work or volunteer in Hospice related matters – helping people with grief and bereavement is one of them.
I am not a professional grief therapist. I have been a hospice volunteer for 12 years. I love people and love helping people. So, if you need us, simply as a sounding board to vent: you have come to the right place. I wish you peace, CaddyB. – eKim
ps If you tell us a bit more about how you are handling the stress caused by your grief, and the specific issues that cause you to struggle the most, we can direct you towards some very helpful resource material.