Hi Wingman, fellow pilot here. 

Glancing out the side window it’s comforting to know that someone has “got your back” – even if you’ve never met the other guy. Actually I’m not really a pilot - or Ski Pilot -  for that matter, but I’m guessing that neither are you. Neither am I a poet and I suppose that you aren’t either.

However, I must say your posting read like a poem to me.  A beautiful love poem written by one who loves deeply.  And perhaps that is where you and I do have something in common.  Being married to my sweet wife for almost 46 years now, I know what it is to love deeply. 

Someone once said, “The price of great love is great pain.”  I could not imagine for a moment losing my wife.  I cannot for a moment imagine what you are going through.

I can, however reach out with my words and hope to offer some comfort to you. 

Sometimes when a compassionate heart reaches out to a hurting heart, wondrous things happen.  Who knows?  I simply hope that my feeble attempt helps you in some way.

You State:

“How did we get here?”  “When did life just start to happen...to change...to become so tough.”

“The Theory of Everything Happens For a Reason” just doesn’t seem to cut it for me.  The Theory of Random Happenings (if there is such a theory) seems to make more sense to me.

You State:

“How can one make a choice to take one's life,  while another fights so desperately to preserve it...  and  how can one become so unabled as to not avail to voice their choice...

How can I choose for you.  What is my roll now, how can I help.

Wingman, these are very deep questions.  I am not anywhere near qualified to answer them.  There are professional at virtualhospic.ca who can help you.  You only have to ask in this blog for one of them to answer you.

You State:

What is my roll now, how can I help.  Naive to think now that we share common goals...to live, to love, to be loved...what more could we want.  I think of these turning points with regret....I am saddened that you came to this place of choice.

You speak from the heart hear, Wingman, perhaps from the very deepest part of your being.  Your words touch me.

You State:

I will do my best...to be my best...for what you need.   I will continue to love you.       

This last part is the part that resonates most with me, Wingman.  There is an advertisement on TV lately that shows an elderly woman with Alzheimer's sitting quietly.  Her husband finally is able to “reach her” with a gentle stroke to her cheek.

It was a revelation for me.  I have always known that I will be by my wife’s side until my final breath, but this reinforced my commitment. 

I had a vision of my wife sitting in a “nursing home/hospital etc.” in a corner and someone asking as a matter of procedure and function, “Has she been changed yet.”  Just another body among many. 

My overpowering reaction was, “That’s not just another patient!  That’s my sweetheart.”  I would always be there, by her side as much as possible.  After all, she would do the same for me.  Isn’t that the true meaning of love? 

My wife and I know that someday one of us will be in a bed and the other will be sitting by the bed.  What we tell each other is, “I doesn’t matter which one.” 

Despite the heartache, sorrow and pain, life is beautiful and more so when shared with someone who truly, truly loves you.

Wingman, you have a journey before you.  Pause from time to time along your path with your little candle.  Notice other candles out there.  Seek them out.  Even though your path is only illuminated a wee ways, with two candles, you can see twice as far.

Please tell us more about your loved one and about what you are feeling and thinking.  Writing can be very cathartic.

All my best, Wingman.  Keep in touch.

~ eKim