Dear Charneypam,
I too feel very much your pain and sense of helplessness. It is so difficult to be present to the suffering of one you love. Your relative is suffering physically but also emotionally. You mention that she seems to be getting depressed, and I sense that that is the case. Her fears are stong and real. And she is very much missing her husband who was most likely also her best friend. In the midst of this emotion, it is difficult for her to make wise and healthy decisions for her well-being.
I am sure you are showing her much compassion and love. Just reflecting back to her the feelings she has may help her to speak a bit more about them. The fact that she expresses a desire to have quality of life might be something to talk more about with her. What does she imagine as good quality of life? And how can she imagine nurturing that? I wonder what she would say if you asked her what her husband would want for her now? What her husband would be saying to her? Perhaps he would encourage her to talk more openly to her doctor who is there to help all she can.
I also wonder whether your relative would be open to talking to someone else living with the same cancer as herself. This might help her not to feel so alone. And she might be more open to hearing about possible treatment from such a person.
Just my thoughts at this point. How do they strike you? You are the one who is close to your relative, and know her well. In the meantime, know that I am with you in spirit and care.
Plum1