Hi Mark99
The fact that we are all unique is one of the most wonderful aspects of our humanity. We all have different stories and different ways of reacting to our stories. It really points out the futility of trying to suggest any course of action to another, regardless of one’s desire to help. In the end, I suppose the most useful thing that we can do as compassionate souls is to listen, quietly.
I have heard it said that the answers to our most soul-felt questions reside deep within us, sometimes inaccessible because they lie hidden under layers of emotions. It is such a relief (it has happened to me) to hear oneself verbalize one’s answer simply because a compassionate other had taken the time to listen.
Just last week someone asked me why I am a hospice volunteer. Without thinking, I blurted out, “From the depths of great pain comes the desire to comfort others who are in great pain.”
I never related this concept to my own life because, I have had a blessed life ever since I first met my wife in the “summer of ’69 – and now, here I am 43 happily married years, two daughters and four grandsons later.
But then I recalled my sad childhood, surviving not one, but two dysfunctional families and realize that the aftershocks of the pain that I felt as a child were still with me today. Ergo, my high sensitivity towards the suffering of others. It is interesting how even at 65 years of age, one can still discover new insights into oneself.
I relate this, not to make this “about me”, but to give a personal and poignant example of the cathartic power of telling one’s story and the healing influence of a compassionate listener.
I (and the others here at Virtual Hospice) encourage you Mark99, and others to tell the story of your journey, in anonymity. Yes, we probably will make our inane comments, so please forgive our stumbling attempts at empathizing. This is offered in the hope that in the miracle of your own voice, you as well as others, will find your answers.
-eKim